Gavel Gamut: By Judge Jim Redwine
Two young friends, Renee and Alex, are getting married next month. Nothing I might tell either of them will enhance the experience of their wedding or their future together. Of course, that will not dissuade me from making a few suggestions; think of them as small wedding gifts, or perhaps, flashing yellow caution lights. This week let’s concentrate on the groom, starting with the ceremony and covering up to the golden wedding anniversary.
Number 1: show up when and where you are told – practice looking like you understand what is happening; it will camouflage your knocking knees.
Number 2: do not worry about your lines – the only one that matters is “I do”; if you look into Renee’s eyes when you say it, all sins will be forgiven.
Number 3: keep breathing; a passed out groom gives the wrong impression.
Now let’s move to the next fifty years.
Remember her mother and father and do not forget your own, not because they have all invested their time, effort and money in your wedding, but because they are investing their hopes and dreams in your marriage.
And when it comes to remembering, you might as well resign yourself to the great puzzle facing all husbands, whatever you say, however you think you meant it, will be repeated back to you verbatim years after you have forgotten it was ever said. So, speak softly and with good humor; your soft words will fall back on you more easily and you will need the humor.
You will fail miserably at remembering all sorts of vital dates and information. Accept the fact we men are deficient in the gene that notes birthdays, anniversaries and what scarf she was wearing on your first date. Your best approach is self-deprecating apologies and fresh flowers.
Be generous with her friends, such as a book club, even if you find them somewhat zany. You have no right to pick her friends and you sure don’t want her picking yours.
When it comes to sharing the housework, you can get over with a modicum of effort if you will just pick up your own underwear and plan your ballgame watching with a little ingenuity. Put a T.V. in the garage, the basement and the shed. Turn the sound off; most sports commentators are paid shills anyway.
Well, Alex, I know you do not need my advice. But, when you get old, you will understand my need to give it. So, best wishes to Renee and congratulations to you for your wedding and your great shared adventure to come.